Letting it Out...

Dear Blog,

Okay so most of the times that I have written a blog I have been quite calm and peaceful and of course there have been times when I have been a bit upset. But today, I can not emphasize how mad I am at the world, but specifically some of my friends. How can my own friends that I cherish go against me? It feels as though friendships are one sided and the only reason people are friends with other is because of a materialistic attitude. My vision on friendships is that we tell each other the flaws each has and help each other become better whether it is about the personality or physically, etc. I would never say anything against anyone unless they hurt me really well. What good will it do to talk bad. Friends are friends not enemies. And the worse thing is to third parties. Oh well. That is my answer. My other part of that answer is that GOD is watching and knows who does what.

Okay wow that felt a whole lot better when I am letting it all out. I have learnt that everyone tends to let out their frustration and/or anger in different ways. And some ways are harsher than other. But regardless, it has to be let out.

So I am writing this blog after doing a ton of homework and now I just feel a bit relaxed since the term is almost over. I gotta say that even though school and work and just keep up with things has been a bit challenging, I think it is good mentally to have something that I can focus on. As cheesy as it is , it is school…hey what the hell I am trying to get a better paying job .

So you are probably thinking now why is this girl still at home…go out partayyyyyyyy…but nah…I just want to relax… and get to know myself better…and on top of that there is nothing really that I am dying to go out and do… it is Sunday and there is nothing really open…maybe I am just going to go and read a nice book..

Tata

Till next time

Love ya,
Dimple

I want to Sing, I want to Dance

Hello Blog,

How are you? okay so i have finally gotten the chance to write to my dear blog...what has been going on with me...a little bit way too much ..i am not even sure where to start my venting and happiness sessions...well from the last time that i have written , wow when was this last time..i am being a bit lazy to look at these blog entries but here goes anything. why are females so damn moody...i am female and i too realize this cause there will be times when i just want to cry and then there are times when i am ready to dance away in the rain in the sun any weather permitting. why do females go through so much rubbish...this session is probably going to be a funny one as we females tend to be rather humourous...for some reason i am feeling alot like bridget jones in bridget jones diary...hmm..so mom and dad visited last week and of course i had to fight for my days off...
let me tell you something i cannot take london..the tourist areas anyways..i have had it with all of them..you would too if you do things multiple times like tower of london -- three times..london eye- twice...i think i know the directions and itineraries by heart now.....having mom and dad around was nice ...we got to chit chat about life mine and theirs ...and we have to come to a conclusion that i am a weird child..i do wild things sometimes simple to erk them...why it is fun...but they on the other hand think i am big child put all together..they feel sorry for chirag as good luck to him..but it is all good chirag knows me and i think it will be a bit of comedy..you know it is all good and fun in simple humor...so having mom and dad also involved arguments that just had to happen..mom i am not two years old..this is my apartment i know how to do the simple things like you know boil water..lol..well it was sad seeing mom and dad go back home but it was a day i or they could not avoid...they begin to realize at that point that their little girl is becoming an independent responsible woman..i been that for a long time ..but you know they need to see that every so often and we need to feel proud of what we have done....
so the weekend ends and i am once again alone but not really i have my roomies and i have my phone to my loved ones..work...let's not discuss...i am just a weird person i am not happy either ...before my team was just so busy and hustling and bustling and now it is quiet and the hours are so normal..knock on wood that that does not change but you never know..i been learning alot of new stuff and using my old stuff and i am glad..pray for me....

wow not alot has happened i guess chunks of stuff has happened and alot of time has passed..it is almost december and then the new year...time is flying...

but one thing is for sure..we all never know what we want until we let it go and that test is the test of life and that test is one that we all avoid..

till next time love
dimple

Once upon a time....

Dear Blog,

How are you? It must be your lucky day as I am writing to you sooner than you would have thought. Actually it is sooner than I would have thought. Lol. I made a little funny.lol. So what’s up Blog? Well I am back in good old Horsham, United Kingdom. You would think that I miss home, but I do not miss New Jersey as much. But of course I miss the people. I miss my mom , dad, brother, my friends, and of course my Cheeru. But what can be done. This is the test of my life this year and I need to pass. It is for my sanity . It is so that I know that things will be okay. I never want to feel dependent on anyone, thought I LOVE everyone with all my heart and mind.

Love and the Mind. How do we control the two? Are they ever in sync? We can not control how we feel nor can we control what our thoughts are. It is good to have to have some personal opinions especially because these thoughts and opinions make a person who they are. If I like to be adventurous and do not like Republicans, that is totally my choice. We can all laugh at it but the end of the day, my independence and my mind are mine.

Keeping one’s individuality is very important in life. You never want to feel as though you are follower or are doing something for someone else. It is nice to sometime do little tasks because it will make someone else happy, but as a rule of thumb always do makes you happy. Your happiness is always the other person’s happiness and vice versa. I have a friend who is trying to have a baby because it will make the baby happy, but what is she wants. She wants to be financially secure before starting a family.

Yesterday , I realized that it is very important to very faith and hope in GOD , life, and the people you love. It gives one a purpose or a well enough reason for acting the way they do . Always keep faith, it can drive a looooooooong way . More than one can imagine.

Okay, this tends to seem like never ending blog especially since I keep getting interrupted at work. So today, I am finally getting some time to myself. Wowie !!! I realized today that being happy is very important part of one’s life. People should take life with great importance. I think one of the things that I need to learn to do is not work things personally. These people mean nothing to me , other than some of the friends that I have made. Everyone tries to watch their back and support themselves. So why not us.

I also learned today that people are ignorant. People like to think they are very smart and make rude comments to hurt others. But it is okay because GOD knows the truth and why things are done. My rule of thumb is to always ask questions before making a judgement and that goes to everyone not just family and friends.
I am so much stronger than that and not let some stupidity and ignorance bother me.

So now I am fasting for nine days of Navratri. Not only because I want to , but I want to feel good. Giving up food for nine days is not going to kill us. It is about knowing that there are tone of people out there who do not have fed, it is about appreciating GOD and praying and thanking for the food that we have. It is mainly about appreciation overall. I thought these nine days will be hard. But it is not hard at all. My focus is elsewhere and therefore food is not priority.

Gotta go for now. Love you,

Dimple

Patience is A Virtue

Dear Blog,

How are you? Damn it has been ages since I have written to you. I miss you Blog. So no more mushy stuff let me recap on my life since the last time I have written.

Work ,of course, as always is busy as hell but hey it is good learning new things and being able to implement them my own. At the end of the day, no matter how late or tired I am , I can reflect and say that I have achieved something. I think that is so much needed. You need to feel like you have succeeded or done something valuable than be compared to a log. I need life to focused with breaks every so often for reflection.
I am finally beginning to enjoy work and the people (not that like I never did, but I guess there are more of people of my nature and interests). We are all planning our travels outside of London and into the European nations. Since we are so involved in crunch time right now, it is hard to do it, but when it is over we will definetly be on the ball again.

It is nice that Mom and Dad are planning to come visit me in November. I want them to enjoy and see what I see . They need to be able to understand my stories sometimes rather than have them wonder. Pictures can make a difference but think the true understanding comes from experience.

Last week , a couple of friends and myself went into London for another friend's birthday . And it was amazing how much fun I had. We went to this hip hop club called Hippodrome in Leicester Square and it was just different from the rest that I been to. Not to crowded and the music was just fun and able to enjoy the spirit of the night . My roommate and I came back at 3 in morning being driven by a wacko taxi driver who wanted nothing but money. But all is well, came home and did some school work.
Yes my dear blog, you heard me write, school work. I guess when somebody wants to achieve something in life, time management has to happen. Have you ever noticed that I have been using the word time management for ages. I think I am finally coming to a point where a schedule has to take place if I want to succeed in life in all areas, school, work, love, etc.

So where am I today? I am at my home in NJ and leaving tonight for the United Kingdom. It was definetly very relaxing which was much needed when coming out of the hustling and bustling of the corporate world. But tonight I go back to the action packed world and it is fine because life does not stop because you want to relax. To achieve goals, one must have achieve, strength, and energy.

I was able to talk to many of my friends this weekend and relax with my parents. Went shopping (yes bought clothes of course, what else, lol) and was able to get together with my friend Ayesha. She said something to me which really began to open my eyes. She told me that she felt distance from me. I never want the closest people in my life to feel this way. I think much of this is because I did manage my time properly and was always caught in the events of life. I need to let life be the way it is and let it flow forward. I need to stop thinking so much. And that is exactly what I have decided to do. Thank you GOD for awakening me out of this trance called inpatience. This is why I have subjected this blog to be Patience is a Virtue. It really is. The good things in LIFE always takes its time. But when it does, you appreciate it so much more.

I want to enjoy life, be free, learn, live it to the fullest, and be with the people I love and that love me. The little things in life are important. Never miss birthdays (a simple phone call can put a smile on someone's face), never stop to say just 'Hello' . Do no have a purpose to talking to someone. Simple chats can may do look so much sunnier.

I know GOD you are out there and will make everything okay. We as your children on earth need to learn to cope and have hope. Be free and develop happiness in the nonmaterialistic world.
Wow that almost sounded like a passage from some religious book.

Love ya , Miss ya,

Dimple

Good times , but 2 Many Rough Pts

Dear Blog,

How are you? I hope all is well. You are probably wondering why I am writing after so long. I have been so busy it is not even funny. My vacation was the vacation from heaven. I did more things in one week at home than I ever have in years. So what did I do in my one week at home? Well to start off, I got this brand new Dell laptop from work that is amazing slick. It was good timing because I started classes again too at NJIT and needed something that ran powerful (though right now dialup is pretty painful, I swear). I went down to Florida to see my best friend that I had not seen in ages. I had such a blast of a time. My friend, Chirag, and I went to Key Largo, Fort Lauderdale, West Palm Beach, Daytona Beach, and more. Florida is absolutely a great place to visit…But remember to take the suntan lotion as the sun is always piping hot. Leaving is always the hardest part of any trip, but what can you do …just always hope that you can create more happy occasions. Correct!!!!??? So I spent one week at home just relaxing and rejuvenating much needed. I needed the glow that I once had always smiling and no tension in mind. But lately that has been hard to do since the only thing I have time for is sleep and a shower. Sad isn’t ??? So I enjoyed bonding with my parents and my little brother. Sometimes it is really nice to go back to your family and close friends. It makes you reflect on how many special things are going on and how everything that is important should be valued.

So during the week , the only thing I did was sleep , eat good food, shop a bit , and caught up with the environment. The second weekend at home, my parents , my brother, and I went off to the Hare Krishna temple in Moundsville, West Virginia. This place is definetly a place where you spiritually bond with GOD and your family. The place is on top of a hill (or was it a mountain, do not remember) and the scenery is breathtaking . Pictures are up for you guys to see. So finally get back after the spiritual weekend. And guess what I turned vegetarian. I have no regrets. I actually feel a lot lighter than I ever have. Sometimes it is hard to find veggies dishes at restaurants but it is okay this is something that I had wanted to do in ages and since my dad turned vegetarian , that gave me the motivation to just do it and I am really glad I did. The funny part of all this is that people have bets on how long will I be veggie…lol…I could not stop cracking up…so that Monday evening, I went to see my friends in New York City especially since my friend Ira is going to school at NYU now. It was good to see some of my gang members from college. This group of buddies included Amit Sharma, Ira Sharma, Bhavanjot ‘Champi’ Singh , his girlfriend Amal, and myself. Good fun at a Thai restaurant.
Good to also go into NYC where there so much liveliness. So that same day was a Raksha Bandhan which is an event where the sister ties a string on the brother right hand and praying that he has a good life. I am glad that I was home for that seriously.

So I the next day I am on a flight back to the UK, Horsham to be exact. It was a good to be back so I get back in the groove of things. But the amount of chaos that was at the office is unbelievable. All the structures that I have ever been used to had to change for Product Test. This week was the worst. I had lost my temper at my team lead especially because he kept throwing things my way. What the hell, because I am the analyst, you do not just throw stuff my way . It gets to be pretty overwhelming when so many things are going on all at once. I totally understand managements point of view but they forget that they have humans working for them not robots. I keep my patience level up. But is it not sad that work is always priority. What about families or school , or anything else??? I wish I was with a golden spoon or I was a genius where I did not have to worry about money , I would know that my intelligence would get me everywhere. We can always hope right that something overnight can make me a genius. Did I mention that I have to work every weekend from now until November 1, 2004 and come home either September or October? I hate to be told what to do. It feels like there is always some constraints. Aghhhhh…

When I came back from the USA, my buddy, Jesenia, was also here in the UK. This girl is sweet but drives me nuts, she thinks she has the answer to everything. And now that she is my roommate. Jeezzz…the other way I waited an hour and a half for her to get ready. What the hell, when you have to be somewhere you should move it a little and not always be so slow? I can not stand people who seem to take things so lightly. Whatever , I will figure something out.

So last night my friend Jackie, Jesenia, and I went to a African restaurant. Good food. I definetly recommend to try it once. I had the Calabash Speciality (Calabash happens to also be the name of the restaurant). This dish consisted of black eyes beans , plaintains, and sweet potato, which I was craving. Desert was the best part of the restaurant. It was rather buttery and sweet, but it was still. Did I mention that I am trying to stay away from sweet??? Lol

Till next time.

Dimple

Back again...But not for Long

Dear Blog,

So how dearly have I missed writing to you? Have you missed me? I hope so..lol...okay let me stop flirting with my blog...well it has been certainly a long time since i have written in my blog...so what have i been up to...well i have been on vacation for quite a long time it seems...my vacation started the first week of august and is on a break now till the end of this week when i am on vacation again....my friend sally came from seattle in the first week of august and did we do stuff...we walked and talked like there was no tomorrow...we joked around threw some sarcasm around and just had a blast..we went to stonehedge to see the rock circle and you know what i did not realize it was literally in the middle of nowhere...then hung out in the neighboring town on salisbury and that was certainly interesting..realized that a quiet little suburban town is not for me nor sally ..realized after a while we needed a place a bit more lively and full of younger trendier people...so went up to leicester square which is one of the happening areas of london...was good fun..the next day went to hampton court palace..beautiful surroundings with gardens and statues...it is weird how these locations have so much history around it ..hard to believe that there used to be a king or queen living in these houses...henry VIII used to live in this palace and because of him many positive changes occurred in the country....the day after we headed down to cambridge where cambridge university is located...so much fun and liveliness...the campus is just beautiful...wow i had such a great time..sally and i went punting which is similar to a venetian boating style...we figure why risk doing it ourselves and make a fool of ourselves ..just hire someone ...afterwards we went back to leicester square and found london shows for a really cheap price..we decided that we needed a laugh...so we decided to go ahead and watch the jerry springer show the opera...well let me put it this way the show was funny but it could use some refining ...but good fun overall...i think sometime that week we also had some indian food at a restaurant in covent garden where the owner was just loud and speaking about bush and all...i was like what the hell get a life...not that i like bush and all but i hate it when europeans put america down like that ..you know what i mean..the next couple of days ..sally and i just chilled in london and toured around to see the sites and stuff...it was fun..cause at one point it began raining and we sort of wore garbage bags..literally looked like little white ghosts.lol..
friday we took it rather easy and went shopping and stuff...met up with sally's possible future in laws and they seem really nice...and of course sally was a bit nervous but isn;t everyone..i am glad that i could be there for her...friday night we decided to dress up and look a bit sexy...yeah yeah we had not dressed up in a while so much needed ...we met up with my friend jackie and went to a club/bar and just hung out ..the music was alright not something i would get up and boogie too..but just cool to be with a friendly crowd...got back really late at night and had to get back early to gatwick airport to pick up bro...
when my bro came we just took it really easy cause the next day we were off to our european adventures...to rome, italy and prague, czech republic...

rome was really nice..i can not wait to show my family and friends the pictures...we walked and walked but in the end got to see everything that we wanted to..including the sistine chapel , vatican, st. peter's basilica, colleseum, the roman forum, the pantheon, and a whole bunch of piazzas...in its twisted way it reminds me much of nyc and liveliness and touristy attitude that it held...the prices were extremely expensive when we converted euros to dollars..but oh well we live once..i am not gonna go to rome every year...my brother and i had a grand ol time though we did have our moments but what set of siblings do not ...pretty abnormal if you do not bicker just a tad bit ..i know that my brother will always be at my side and stick up for me...we saw some museums too that was pretty nice...it is just an awesome feeling that back in the olden days people were just using pure genius to come with beautiful paintings and statues..just amazing ...next we arrived in prague on an airline called bmi baby...you know like ' be my baby'..lol.just a little humor..the flight was well but the terminal was out in the boon docks of nowhere land..we just kept cracking up cause it was just so funny ..some of airport people did not even know what to do with us..lol..but finally got there and made it to our hotel at the hilton prague...gorgeous place to stay ..i got an awesome view with access to the executive lounge which made every bit worthwhile.....prague is a pretty place with prague castle and the charles bridge...and especially the mixture of baroque and gothic architecture..but this was definetly completely within 2 days and that made a trip a bit relaxing especially coming back from rome where i was ready to hang up my feet ....my bro and i had gone there with an anticipation to shop ..but the prices were just so stupidly hiked up ...your mood to shop just decreased and lost all sense of doing anything ..but it is okay got to save some money ..so i think right...at one point we did not buy a ticket to the metro thinking we can get away with it..but as my lucj was a bit against me the metro cops cause us and we had to pay an 800 kroner fee...i broke down in tears in establishing such a bad day it was..but it is okay sometimes being too too overconfident can hurt us...finally made it back to the uk and just slept...did not know that my bro and i slept for like 12 hours the night before jignesh's flight ....

today was my first day back at work till my vacation next week...i got a letter from my friend krishna and i just want to hug her and let her know that everything will be okay ...i can not wait to see her next week.....it is funny how much all of us have done in the last 8 months or so...scary yet sooooo exciting ....

wowiee

ciao,
dimple

Slowly But Surely I will Get Better at This

Hi Blog,

I have returned sooner than you think ... now now no comments okay...so what have i been up to from my last blog...quite a bit has happened but nothing too drastic that life is gonna twist and turn over....last time i was a bit upset over my roomie situation..but you know what from the help of mr. c and kris i learned that i am the one that needed some growing up to do ...the things they have done are quite normal when two people are in a relationships...hey if i had the balls to do it i would too with the love of my life ...but of course i am desi and i have more values to look up to it  and you know what i like it that way ..but anyways these two guys happen to be great people  and friendly...a lesson learned that do not judge a book by its cover sometimes reading into it a bit is important to understand some hidden secrets...

so that is that yesterday was saturday and my friend samir was on his way to paris for a wedding so him and i got together for lunch which was very cool..but the guy was so jetlagged it is not even funny...he actually in staying in london with his uncle for a family wedding but of course he wants to travel europe while he is out here...who would not .right ...me and him just talked about our lives and how we all getting older and how jersey city and the indian areas ...you have to discuss it no matter what ..lol..you edison folks probably discuss edison and indians and same for chicago, etc....it is all good..you sometimes wonder why do indian do not like going to the indian areas but still do..i think i know why cause somewhere deep down inside it helps you get to know the culture i probably never experienced

you know what is the worst feeling in the world, when the ones you care about and want to care  about makes you feel second best ...so how do you deal with it ...me one example i do not deal with quite well i tend to let it all store up and then give it one big explosion which is very bad because the other side tends to wonder woah what just happened. ..but no worries all is well a little opening up of the communication could fix..

some of you are probably thinking damn this girl is so jealous and possessive ..nope that is not true..but i like to keep things that belong to me (not all tied up )  this is probably cause i  had five years of solitude guys before the bro....but it is all good i love people and love socializing but sometimes sharing becomes a problem..i am working on it ...lol.. i love my family and best friends to death and not sure what i would do without them...

oh no a tear in the eye...sikee..just kidding ..this weekend i truly valued the people that are around and i would never switch them for anyone else...i am who i am because they are who they are...(i think that makes sense)

 

Back after fighting Brick Walls...

so once again i am finally back in the click of things of writing my blog ...at least i think so ...it is good to believe right ..it  makes the day a bit brighter...okay where did i leave off from my last blog ..it is really funny how i never know when i leave off ...so the last time  i had written was on july 7 , 2004. wow that was really a while ago... as i look on the calendar now , this day  was a wednesday practically 2 weeks ago...ahhh...this is so not good...how come am i slacking ... so the weekend following my last blog i had gone home to see my family and also went to a bridal shower for my friend jeannie....how can i forget i got to see my friend krishna for her birthday ...i am glad that i was able to see her ...sometimes it gets to a point that you can not always e-mail and phone people you need to see them physically and just be able to get their face expressions ..i feel like that sometimes alot for mr. c ...do you ever wonder why sometime things happen the way they do ...you make all these plans and when they don't come true it hurts..but that is reality and must face it right .. well the bridal shower was alot of fun ...met some new people and also met some old people that i had known since the first day of highschool that is mighty darn long time isn't it ..but it was nice..my little baby bro gave me a digital camera for mybirthday which i absolutely love ...it is os nice to have a digital camera and be able to show the world the snaps...i spent alot of time with my family and shopping while i was at home...man i did not realize how much i hated and loved to shop i know it is at the same time how weird can that be ......well during my time at home i also got my offer letter from boeing (yeah the big plane company)  the offer was to move to virginia and work with the missile defences...after much thought and procrastination i decided not to take the offer...why...i will give you some of the reason: 1) i like being in london and travelling europe ..i am young once when am i going to be able to do this agian when i am 60 ..2) i do not want to move to virginia and live alone ..at least here i am learning about different cultures and people and i get to go straight home to my family here in nj ...3) i wanted to keep learning new things in a fast paced environment.....i think those were my main reasons not  taking the offer..hopefully by GOD's grace i will be able to get  a similar offer again and then settle with my hubby and plan a family... (some of you are probably laughing and/or yelling at me)......so i finally flew back to london and my new apt..it was pretty nice at the apt my roomie seems like a cool girl..and she is social like i am so it is cool...now come friday i find out that i had to work the weekend it isokay i knew it was coming ...but friday now some of us people went out to a few places in london which was so much fun got home at the wee hours in the mroning and then had to make sure made it into work...the poeple i went to london with seem like so much fun they certainly know  how to keep up a conversation...saturday was work and it was so darn boring i am not sure how five hours went by ...saturday night i had invited some guys in for dinner..it was fun..i cooked my infamous chana masala..and my friend abhijeet cooked some tandoori chicken which was darn good too...my mr. c says he can cook...i gotta soooo taste his cooking...you can just imagine out of all of this i was so darn tired...sunday my friend jackie and i decided to go to leed's castle...can you believe it it has been rated the number one castle in the uk...it was really nice...ask me for the link of pictures if anyone is interested...stupidly my eye started swelling up cause of too much pollen in the air and it sucked cause i had some contacts in and it was just so darn irritating and then my train got stuck in purley on my way to london victoria and of course i missed my connecting bus...but all is well the day was nice enough after a ton of rain and got to see the castle that i had been planning for weeks...so on sunday my third roommate carol also moved in ...she seems like a great girl but i hate to say this but her and her boyfriend need to get a room...the first night she is prancing around in her undies......i think binta and i need to set some rules it is just so darn disrespectful..and get this this morning i almost saw her boyfriend (who is also my coworker) naked..i do not want to see him naked...ahhhh......how would anyone react to this...well this weekend was also a bit sad especially when reality information is being passed...sometimes you need to hear that as much as it hurts.....

 

till next time

 

my dear lovely journal..

 

 

I know it has been a while....

Hi Blog,

I know it has been a while since I have written to you . But what can I do ...life has been having its major ups and downs...more confusion actually than any particular up or down...so i see the last time that i had written was on june 27...what happened since that weekend....well that weekend i had just returned from my trip to dublin which of course alot of fun...that week i had decided i will not plan on going anywhere cause it is simply not worth it if i have to rush it and possibly create a negative rapport...we do not want that now do we...so that week was pure hell...on my project we were going through assembly test script and data cleansing...and boy did we cleanse these scripts...i do not think i have ever worked as hard as i did last night not even in the worst of insane situations....i apologize to all of the people that i have been rude...i truly am not a rude person but i am human right and it happens...one of the things i need to work on is not letting other things get to me...and just live in the moment...so that was the week that i also went to see my new place with my two roomies binta and carol (she seems a bit fishy)...so the new place is alot closer to work than my old place and it is a flat instead of a house...one of the things i love about this new place is that all the rooms are about the same size and there is livelihood compared to the serene sounds of bird rubmling..instead i get to hear the loud noises of drunken boys at night and the trucks in the morning...but it is all good...reminds me of being back home ..:)...so the weekend finally rolls around and guess what i am in no mood to fly anywhere or do anything ...i just want time to myself...my friend jackie and i go shopping and have a blast ...i can not wait to wear one of the items that i had purchased...never go shopping like that again but you know we an indulge once in awhile especially after a long week...we ran into the gay parade that was happening in the soho section of london...never seen so many men at one time..my friend and i were just laughing away...had some good chinese food in chinatown...i needed something different and tasty away from my usual in take of cereal...and then afterwards we just randomly decided to see a play on our ways back to the subway (underground) station...we wound upo watching when harry met sally which is so cute...basically coming down to best friends are the best lovers and i agree...having a best friend who can also be my husband...it is the best feeling in the world...a man that love for who you are and not because of how you look or the materials you own......so sunday i moved in to my new flat and settled in a bit...first thing on monday morning i get locked into the building of my flat...it must be some curse that removes positive energy from living in a nice quaint town.....but all is well after knocking on some little old women's homes...i was bit pissed but i know whoever reads this will start laughing and say something like it can only happen to dimple...lol...so today is wednesday and work has slowed just a bit ...i am kind of catching up on stuff that i had missed in doing...such learniung how to laugh.....until yesterday i got the e-mail from my friend kris....my heart dropped and maybe fall into this dark whole that makes me wonder what to do ....and how to do it ...but i know i will be there for her ...she needs me now the most ...after dinner last night with some coworkers i made sure i speak to kris and get the full story...i realized last night that some people that you work with are capable of being friends with you...

100 Sheds of Tear for 1 Giggly Laugh

Someone of you may be wondering why I have not written in my blog in over a week, well this blog will give you the highlight of all. i have never felt so empty in my entire life as i do today ...i hate the fact that i am not good in expressing my feelings..they are so bundled up i am not sure even where to start to talk about them. C always tells me to talk about my feelings but as hard as i try ...last week i wanted to cry and i did a couple of times, my birthday my 24th birthday was last monday and i felt so lonely thought i had so many friends around to cut a cake for me and go out after work...but i felt so empty that i could not cry nor could i laugh..i just wanted to get the day over with ...i know i only turned 24 but i suddenly felt as though i was turning 30...i did not even tell so many of my coworkers of my birthday, i just suddenly did not want to make a big deal of it when i usually do every year...that night i felt more relieved than ever knowing the worse is probably over...and the sucky part is that i had to work till late ...there seems to be no leniency in the team that i am on..we are always posed for deadlines which really sucks...but oh well that is life right ..complain and keep moving ...so tuesday my friends/coworkers cut a cake for me which was really sweet of them and they did it when i was least expecting it ...extremely sweet of them...tuesday was also a project meeting ...one of the huge ones and we were told by my manager that he would like for us not to go and finish some work...i was a little disappointed but whatever i do not have the power in me to argue...and i am not going to it is certainly not worth it..it is nice to know that two of oldest friends that i have dearly known since first day of highschool forgot my birthday . i could not have felt more hurt...when i needed my friends the most these two just got caught up in their worlds...it is true what they say when you have a significant other you tend to forget your friends...i am not saying that i have been the perfect friend, but i think i am there when someone needs me..oh well...my bad luck that i am feeling this...i am not sure why i am getting so emotional these days...but i am ...is my body changing as i am changing mentally...so wednesday i wrote to these people and i certainly got a response back..but i am not ready to talk to them yet..i am not a sympathy case...i am where i am today because of my decisions not because of anyone other than my parents and GOD...the rest of the week was blah and just plan old busy...england lost the football (soccer) game against portugal..so the english were quite sad.but oh well it is only a game get over it ...friday comes around and it is the busiest day of my life...my team lead is sick and i am the temp dba for the day...no one know what db is the finished version since my team lead is the main dba and he does the packaging and there is so much confusion within everyone else...why can not people just communicate properly instead of that he said she said crap..it really is crap...i was leaving for ireland that afternoon and of course talk of working the weekend comes along and i am like no way not the one weekend i need to leave and i spent the other two weekends roaming london...such bad luck...because of this 3 pm meeting i missed my flight and had to fight with these people to putme on the next one after paying 40 pounds which is bloody 80 dollars...so i finally get to dublin settle into my hotel..which is okay not worth the money i paid though but that is what i get for doing everything last minute...i will get better at that i promise...so i had dinner with my friend ashish who is working in dublin but he is from india..great guy hilarious..it was fun, nice to see a familiar face in an unknown area...the next day i did all the touristy things with my friends pentony, paula, and jenny..it was so much we were just cracking up roaming around the city...in the evening all of us including the girls and ashish and satya this other guy from bombay just hung out and went from place to place..i had not had that much in a while and it was all worth it...i was little crazy though i think..i think i said a few weird things cause i remember cracking up like anything...and now i am back in my hotel room contemplating doing work work..but it has to be done ...

So as the World Turns...

So here it goes...so the last time i wrote was on tuesday the day this mad party/barbeque that i attended at my old house...one of the guys from the firm has left the project and of course the firm...you ask why rumour has it that the laddering results affected him too when he is one of the most humourous people around...well let us say that he is a bit towards sexual connotation and much slang...but he is so funny and such a great guy ...he used to be my team lead....he actually remind me minnie me...does anyone call...you better...whoever i tell that too thinks about it for a second and then is like you are so right ...well work was a short day yesterday left at about 7 pm..had some good food and conversation...it is weird seeing my old shine with someone else's ownership..not that i miss it cause it is like a mile away from the train station...so work was of course busy as ever...no social life during the day...actually i did go to lunch with my friend rajdeep and just had italian food...yes i can treat myself once in a while and indulge in some good food over cereal or maggie noodles...not that i don't like that stuff but variety is good right ...raj (that is what we call her as nickname) just talked not even work talk which was good...it was a fun lunch though i was like struggling the rest of the evening...it is all good ...don't do it everyday..today was not so bad as i was just fixing defects that were identified by our system...and let me tell you something ...some of them are freaking awfully hard...i do my best ...and that was my day...no can someone suggest how i can make my day more worthwhile...4 more days till i turn 24...why can we not just stop time after we are 18 and feel young 4ever...i hate the fact the older i get the pressure just bloats away...i try to be as positive as possible but you begin to wonder are you satisfied with the food you eat, with the clothes you wear, where you live , etc...not that i am depressed or anything ...but i been giving life more credit that i have been and it is about time...i am way too young...any suggestions on how to live life...be my guest

Talk about an Attachment..

okay so the last time i posted was on a sunday and today is tuesday so i have two bloody days to talk about ...woohoo...promise not to get gory or obnoxious on all of ya...so sunday was a somewhat of a pleasant day...mr. c is definetly the most patient and understand person i have met in my life...i seriously swear..i drove to utter confusion but he still kept his cool...man i need some patience like that ...i thought i had some at one point in my life but now i am just utterly confused...can someone out there hear me...oh please answer... hellooooooo...so since the last posting was on a sunday that meant that monday was work...my week started off with me having this look of confusion and madness..seriously do not ask why ...if i knew i would not have had it ..so i come into work and this security dude tells me and a few other folks that we need to delete all of our messaging applications..comeon get real...and my freaking laptop will not connect to the internet cause the phone line connected to my telephone is messed up..i have already notified the feds and they are fully aware of it ...but are they doing anything ..obviously not if within two days i still do not have internet access on my laptop..sorry for all those i talk to everyday from the wee morning to late at night ...just remember...I AM GOD...lol..just teasing ... so we have all these data issues that are forever piling up ...can someone just explain why ...but of course the smart alleck that i am i get the hardest ones ...i probbaly will turn 24 even before my birthday..so the rest of the day was just alright ...what did i have for good ol dinner...cereal which i really do not mind cause helps me feel a bit more relaxed...yeah i know it is weird but i am just a weird girl..got to see my friend vik last night he just came back from barcelona and a stagdude party ..yeah yeah what the hell is that ..,from my american friends that is a bachelor party...you know when they get so drunk and look for naked women...lol..nah he ain't like that ..not that i know of...but we talked for a few and then i am off to my night of television...

so come tuesday morning .i have breakfast with some of my indian folks and off to work and day goes by like yesterday ..how monotone some days get ....

my indian friends have just from india..mad cool and mad smart..they need to transfer some of that information..that is the thing with indians they like to hog it all..

till next time..i need some dinner..

Can Life get any more Hard...

i want to first start off by apologizing about a few things....first of all..this blog probably will go against all rules of the english...but i do not really care right now cause i need to express my thoughts. secondly, i have to apologize about not writing a blog in the past couple of days...there are times when your hands just do not move anymore..but no worries they are moving now..lol...so lets start i wrote the last blog describing my trip back to the united kingdom...well things just get worse don't they...at my firm, we have process called laddering where they rank all the employees of the same level...so all the analyst are rated against one another ...similar to college ranking ...except this has more actions following it including raises and such ...so of course management is so F**** up they forget to give me laddering results cause i had change scopes or phases...so finally i asked the head manager and she apologizes and all but that is white trash for you ...everything is so fake...i am probably saying all this cause i am still so bitter...so finally my direct manager has a discussion with me and of course this is where true reality of different cultures emerges...he is a german a strict one too ...he has a different scope of a typical work life compares to americans...and they are so much more sarcastic not even funny..their jokes seem more insulting than funny ...so he tells my rating which i am totally fine with cause that is what people get within my level but what pissed me off was the rank ....i am not going to say cause i am not happy with it at all after all the stuff i do ..true that i do things with my own willingness but that is not mean it does not recognized...shit i am far more knowlegdeable than half the bloody people...and basically this firm is F**** hypocrite..tell us to express your feelings and then tell us to be fake...what the hell...you are not really allowed to express how you feel..true you should take everything as concrete criticism...but not everything is possible at that point...i was on the verge on crying /yelling at that point but i have gained much control...i think this freaking bloody corporate world is going to teach me how to be patient with life and with people the most.....no wonder i drink so much tea during the day...i love my job do not get me wrong ..it challenges me and i need that ...but i did not know people are like that ...i just did not understand how people that do not know me can be able to rank me...they do not 100% of what i do and how i do it...oh well i am going to use all this to become a better person...i swear ......okay so that was thursday ...friday was not such a bad day as i had a good night's sleep ...so took it pretty easy on friday and was able to talk mr. c at night and also just surf the internet for deals like i been planning on doing...but before i forgot to mention how the top executive had pulled me and arjun in for software that was being tracked on our desktops...so tell me something ...how can i be puilled for software that i have not used in months or weeks ...yet other people that use that same damn thing on a daily basis are not pulled in...is it cause my name is easy to get ....it seems as though this client is following all net activity ...but i have come to know that other actions by other people have caused this check up...let me tell you what this software is..it is trillian..the application that consolidates all messaging service...what the hell it is free and available on download.com..the other software that arjun was pulld in for me iPOD software that is also free...i do not understand all this ..it is as if i am trying to make sense of everything..but this is good i am getting a look at all this first hand and i come out of my little dilly dally happy go lucky shell..:)...
back to friday ...friday was normal called it a early night and to get ready for a busy day in london the next day ...saturday wake up and talked to mr. c for about an hour and then got ready and went to breakfast...though before getting ready i had to hang up on mr. c cause time was ticking and we were just not able to hang up like normal people do ....so saturday i decided to go to the swaminarayan mandir in neasden , london...and it took foreever to look for it but when i finally found it ...it wa so worth it ...the mandir is just beautiful and well worth the trip...there is so much security at the place though ...well that is okay i can understand after i went through it ..the people are very friendly there too...i wound up buying all this ayurvedic stuff that i hope it helps cause i really need to have a better control on weight , stress, and muscle joints and all that .....i will let ya know after a week or so...so then i decided that i wanted to go greenwich doclands...which is about 5 miles from london...and this place is really nice...i took a ferry down there and it was just beautiful...i wish i had done it sooner...stupidly though most of the places were closed there...such things as the national maritime museum and the royal observatory......but i did see the cutty sark...which is a ship and it was very cute quite different from all the other ships i have seen like the vasa and the hms belfast...so i decided to go this noodle place after looking at all the other places in area...everything seemed fine with the food and all and had my japanese tea with it ...until i came down feeling i was going to throw up and had a headache..which really sucked...before i forget as i am looking for the mandir on saturday this desi guy sees me with a map to find this temple and stops and tries to give me directions and then says why don;t you hop in i can give you a ride...what the hell i am not going to go off with some stranger...but it is okay i followed GOD's route to GOD...so on saturday evening i was supposed to hang out with a few people..but i did not feel so hot and all the plans did not happen anyway so it is good thing caause i do not feel so bad...so today is sunday and i am seating in the executive lounge of my hotel writing this blog...this morning it was so funny ordering breakfast was certainly a project..they kept forgetting some of the things that i had ordered and kept wanting to charge me for it seriously..but it is okay it happens i am not gonna go and yell or anything ... i should go out today and i think i will probably for a walk or even run..need to get into shape and seriously..

till next time...

Tough day, Here I Come...

okay here it goes, i finally get a bloody chance to write in this blogmajig...so today is wednesday june 9,2004 and it is the day after i come back to the uk after spending 10 days at home..i swear i must have a very high level of tolerance for me to last as long as i did...so i have a pretty tough flight with turbulence and trying to sleep approximately 4 hours before i am due in to work. so starting off i get a stupid middle seat which i absolutely hate cause i get claustrophobic so i had to fight my way with the continental agents and sort of be all conceited and say i am an elite member i do not get middle seats....so finally the woman with the attitude realized that she had one in the last row and it was aisle seat..that is fine and all as long as i am not bugging the hell out of anyone else and that i can freely move on about ..you know what i mean???!!!!...so finally i get into london and make my way through immigration and boy is there a line everyone and their mother decided to go to london that particular day...so i find my bags and crawl up to the hilton hotel and check in...the woman has the nerve to tellm e that i am still at the silver level and that i am getting a smoking room...or i would have to wait for housekeeping to clean...the last thing i need is to wait around...all i want to do is shower and make my way to work...so i had held some bags with the concierge and because one of the guys forgot to place a ticket, i almost died thinking one of my bags was lost or even stolen...but luckily i told the guy just bring me what you have and i will come down and look on my way out..

so finally i get ready and a bit settled in and my way back to the concierge..
found my bag and told them i will pick it up in the evening...so i head my way into work all dazed and confused as if it was my first day...come into my desk and realize that my blackcurrant and apple squash is gone...who stole?/?...so i ask around and no one knows until the thief confesses and tells me that he has a gift for me...i can not wait to see what it is ...i have gotten word that it is my something that i will like...i am pretty sure it is soy milk,,yum...had a very late lunch typical sanwich and fruit and then go through my e-mail and do more data loading...what fun i swear...i should not be so sarcastic...i am really liking what i am doing ...it is pretty challenging and i need that for my sanity ... but sometimes there is just so much pressure that i can not take it anymore...been wanting to cry but you know what my thinking is whatever does not kill me will just make me a stronger person...so did i tell you i love blogging it is like writing to a person that is possibly sitting right in front of you but no response back...
so yesterday i been trying to leave forever it is as if deadlines has no concerns for people's well being considering my throat was itching and then i just wanted to simply sleep in a bed...or anywhere would have been okay at that point...

so i finally make it back to my hotel room at about 9 pm and ate cereal and some of a falafel.that i brought from home..on the teli they have this bollywood star show..and it was pretty cool...it was was like that show that we have in the us where they try to find a good singer..i think it is pop stars but this is bollywood version...why is it hard for indians everywhere...are people jealous or they simply dislike indians...i get the feeling it is cause sometimes are just so F*** fake...not to say other nationalities are not but i get it more from indians..ljust say what it is that you belief...whether in writing or email...but darn it just say it dont talk about behind someone ..ya know what i mean...

well i did not call my family last night as i was just so tired...talked to chirag for a bit but even then i was falling asleep..i feel really bad and i want to talk but i can not help myself..as much as i tell myself to stay awake i just can;t ...i wonder what it is ..cause i been doing this for some time now..maybe i am truly just exhausted..thanks chirag for undestanding...i know it hurts you ..but don;'t take it to heart...i will get to the bottom of this...

so this morning wow yesterday was long...i come in to the office and all i am doing is fixing defects which is fine and all ..but after a while it can get lame...and i can;t even appear doing anything else cause i can be in big SHIT
but basicallyt that was my day...seems short but it is yay long...

hoping to leave in 20 min...wish me luck

It can Only Happen 2 Me

So considering that I have set up an account on this blogspot thing a while back, this happens to be my first entry. why you may ask? i wish i only knew..it seems like my priorities tend to the change everyday..i sometime am driving on rt 1 (this highway is long as hell) and simply wonder ..where does all my time go...what am i really doing that i am always running out of time...and what i am doing that i am so exhausted at midnight ..you know i am young and full of energy and yet i always fall asleep on mr.cheeru aka my cheeru...if it was not for his understanding demeanor . i could have lost him so long ago...he has made me realize and forget all or any pain that i have ....love ya man...

this weekend (the weekend before i go back to the uk) has been quite interesting. so i got to hang out with some of my girls mamta, maya, and sherri...they are such sweethearts...we wind up going around princeton university and just shopping and had a light dinner..but the best part is that we got to talk ...i had not really talked to or seen maya in ages..and i think moments like this are much needed...just to vent and notice that everyone is going through similar experiences in life....sherri is literally a sweetheart ...i do not know her that well but as we all meet more..i amgetting to understand what kind of girl she is...definetly someone i would love to be good frineds with ,...mamta, what would i do without mamta..this girl has seen so many sides of me...and always given me her ear to listen...

this was all saturday but before that , friday igot together with my best and oldest friend krishna ...(kay2fine) ...this girl has been with me through thick andthin.and through our bondage through tazo chai we just chit chatted away and of course shopped for me...while i say ying and she says yang , i was able to buy a few things ..with her approval of course...you would not believe that it was like 4 months since i have seen her..sometimes i wonder why do we have all have to give up our past for our future...lova ya girl...

the most horrible thing happened saturday after hanging out with mamta and crew, iwas supposed to meet up kishan for coffee at the starbucks in newport area in jersey city ...yet he was unable to find it ..and the most messed up part was that my battery literally died on me..i never thought that jersey city did not have that many phone booths..i always thought it was full of them...but oh well ...i think kishan is quite pissed off at me ...and i did look in some of the landmarks he was mentioing to me..but did not see his car...i tried calling him back a few times when i got home , but to my belief he did not pick up his phone, either he had no reception, was asleep, or is just too darn pissed off at me...and the guy came down from hasbrough heights too...such tough luck i swear...

today is sunday, and the weather is really very eeky..and now i have to go to the mall to the att store so i can solve this issue with my cell phone...i never realize how dependent i am on this little gadget.....i had the weirdest dreams last night that i actually was able to get it fixed and the funny thing is i thought it was so..but then when i turn on my phone , it is still dead...it is probably just the battery ..i hope it is ..i really don;t want to waste money on a new phone that i hardly use...
i just helped mom make some of the stuff for falafals. i made the chutney and blended the khiru that we use to make the vada...yum ..i love this stuff...
you know this whole week that i have been home from the UK...i enjoyed every moment of it ..did so much went to a sweet 16 party, bbqed, saw humtum , wentto dinner with my college buddies, went to atlantic city, went to the mall, went to princeton, and now just going to chill till tomorrow...the one person i wanted to see i could not,my best friend cheeru...it is okay ..i am working on it ..trying anyway...

let me see ,i think on a whole i did eveyrthing i wanted to do...and even was able to write this blog...

till next time..