100 Sheds of Tear for 1 Giggly Laugh

Someone of you may be wondering why I have not written in my blog in over a week, well this blog will give you the highlight of all. i have never felt so empty in my entire life as i do today ...i hate the fact that i am not good in expressing my feelings..they are so bundled up i am not sure even where to start to talk about them. C always tells me to talk about my feelings but as hard as i try ...last week i wanted to cry and i did a couple of times, my birthday my 24th birthday was last monday and i felt so lonely thought i had so many friends around to cut a cake for me and go out after work...but i felt so empty that i could not cry nor could i laugh..i just wanted to get the day over with ...i know i only turned 24 but i suddenly felt as though i was turning 30...i did not even tell so many of my coworkers of my birthday, i just suddenly did not want to make a big deal of it when i usually do every year...that night i felt more relieved than ever knowing the worse is probably over...and the sucky part is that i had to work till late ...there seems to be no leniency in the team that i am on..we are always posed for deadlines which really sucks...but oh well that is life right ..complain and keep moving ...so tuesday my friends/coworkers cut a cake for me which was really sweet of them and they did it when i was least expecting it ...extremely sweet of them...tuesday was also a project meeting ...one of the huge ones and we were told by my manager that he would like for us not to go and finish some work...i was a little disappointed but whatever i do not have the power in me to argue...and i am not going to it is certainly not worth it..it is nice to know that two of oldest friends that i have dearly known since first day of highschool forgot my birthday . i could not have felt more hurt...when i needed my friends the most these two just got caught up in their worlds...it is true what they say when you have a significant other you tend to forget your friends...i am not saying that i have been the perfect friend, but i think i am there when someone needs me..oh well...my bad luck that i am feeling this...i am not sure why i am getting so emotional these days...but i am ...is my body changing as i am changing mentally...so wednesday i wrote to these people and i certainly got a response back..but i am not ready to talk to them yet..i am not a sympathy case...i am where i am today because of my decisions not because of anyone other than my parents and GOD...the rest of the week was blah and just plan old busy...england lost the football (soccer) game against portugal..so the english were quite sad.but oh well it is only a game get over it ...friday comes around and it is the busiest day of my life...my team lead is sick and i am the temp dba for the day...no one know what db is the finished version since my team lead is the main dba and he does the packaging and there is so much confusion within everyone else...why can not people just communicate properly instead of that he said she said crap..it really is crap...i was leaving for ireland that afternoon and of course talk of working the weekend comes along and i am like no way not the one weekend i need to leave and i spent the other two weekends roaming london...such bad luck...because of this 3 pm meeting i missed my flight and had to fight with these people to putme on the next one after paying 40 pounds which is bloody 80 dollars...so i finally get to dublin settle into my hotel..which is okay not worth the money i paid though but that is what i get for doing everything last minute...i will get better at that i promise...so i had dinner with my friend ashish who is working in dublin but he is from india..great guy hilarious..it was fun, nice to see a familiar face in an unknown area...the next day i did all the touristy things with my friends pentony, paula, and jenny..it was so much we were just cracking up roaming around the city...in the evening all of us including the girls and ashish and satya this other guy from bombay just hung out and went from place to place..i had not had that much in a while and it was all worth it...i was little crazy though i think..i think i said a few weird things cause i remember cracking up like anything...and now i am back in my hotel room contemplating doing work work..but it has to be done ...